


DATE ENVY

by tardis_mole



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: F/M, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2019-03-17 17:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13664211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardis_mole/pseuds/tardis_mole
Summary: Summary: Hardy returns to work just minutes after his date with Zoe. And Ellie has plenty to say about that. And about her.





	DATE ENVY

**Author's Note:**

> Legal Stuff: No money, goods or services have been exchanged for this story. No breach of copyright is intended. The original work and it's characters are owned by the production companies, authors and scriptwriters. I'm just borrowing them for my own amusement and the entertainment of my readers. I will return them when they tire of me; the characters that is. My readers are non-negotiable.
> 
> ***** DO NOT COPY, SAVE, REPOST OR SHARE THIS WORK. ***** Doing so constitutes stealing under the Theft Act 1968.
> 
> Author’s notes: Another take on the date in episode 4. Spoiler Alert! Set during Season 3.
> 
> broadchurch, episode-verse a/u, hardy/miller, rated t

DATE ENVY 

Date: 26 March 2017

Author: Tardis Mole

Genre: Broadchurch

Rating: T

Pairings/Characters: DI Hardy. DS Ellie Miller. DC Katie Harford. PC Bob Daniels. Zoe.

Warnings: Choking hazard.

Summary: Hardy returns to work just minutes after his date with Zoe. And Ellie has plenty to say about that. And about her.

Legal Stuff: No money, goods or services have been exchanged for this story. No breach of copyright is intended. The original work and it's characters are owned by the production companies, authors and scriptwriters. I'm just borrowing them for my own amusement and the entertainment of my readers. I will return them when they tire of me; the characters that is. My readers are non-negotiable.

***** DO NOT COPY, SAVE, REPOST OR SHARE THIS WORK. ***** Doing so constitutes stealing under the Theft Act 1968.

Author’s notes: Another take on the date in episode 4. Spoiler Alert! Set during Season 3.

broadchurch, episode-verse a/u, hardy/miller, rated t

ĐĐ

Hardy stepped into the incident room, donning his jacket and, talking almost before he could even see the person he was talking to.

“I’ve received urgent authority from the Superintendent for surveillance on our friend, Aaron Mayfield,” he addressed the new recruit, Katie Harford. “You and Steven need to get down to his house until a surveillance team can be organised.”

DC Katie Harford was very young, young enough to have looked like a school-leaver, and had a by-the-book work ethic. She was sitting at her desk, which backed Ellie’s, her face impassive as always. She had already gained notoriety for questioning every order from and action of her superiors. And she didn’t seem to care which one she picked on or where and when. Even in front of others in the CID room.

“After that, get all the background information on him,” Hardy concluded.

“Any reason for this?” she asked.

Hardy’s expression hardened. “Erm... I don’t like him,” he suggested. “And we rattled his cage earlier,” he added, nodding his head towards Ellie. “So, I want to know what he does and where he goes.”

Ellie looked at her, waiting for yet another pointless question or argument against, but there wasn’t one.

Katie got to her feet. “All right. I’ll let you know.”

Ellie waited for her to leave before lifting her gaze up to Hardy. Her expression was neutral. Hardy was pacing nervously, and it was obvious. He glanced at the clock on the wall behind him. 7:45pm. She wiped the smile off her face as he turned back.

“Right. Erm...”

Ellie kept her expression neutral, but she was obviously amused by something, though Hardy missed it.

“I’m away,” he announced. “You should be, too. Take an evening off. Have a breather.” And with that, he walked off.

“You all right?” she asked evenly.

He turned to look at her.

“It’s not like you; clocking off after only twelve hours. Got something planned?”

Hardy shook his head, looking innocent. “No. Not at all.”

She finally smiled. “Oh,” she grinned. “Ok. Have a nice night-” She folded her arms and sat back in her seat. “-Doing whatever it is you’re not doing.”

Hardy gave her a look, but said nothing and quickly walked out.

Ellie, turned and grinned to all her colleagues standing nearby, who were also amused. It was common knowledge that Hardy had a date that night. Anna had found his profile on a dating website.

ĐĐ

Half an hour later, Hardy was sitting at a table for two, but alone. His date, whom should have been here at eight, hadn’t turned up. He would like to add a ‘yet’ to that, but he was contemplating giving up and leaving. But he was too nervous to get up and too ashamed to leave, knowing that everyone else in the restaurant would realise that he had been stood-up.

With his arms crossed on the table, he looked around him disinterestedly, pondering his next move, when to his left, through the arch from the foyer, came a blonde woman in a stripy top. She stopped at his table.

“Hello?”

Hardy looked up, startled from his thoughts. “Hi.” He got to his feet. “Zoe?”

“Yep.” She gave a nervous giggle. “I recognised you. Oh,” she said, noticing at his clothing. “You’re wearing a suit.”

“Erm,” He looked down at himself self-consciously. “I wasn’t sure. Was I wrong?”

“No. No. Top marks for effort.”

Hardy almost frowned, thinking that was an odd thing to say, but didn’t reply. They looked at each other nervously for a moment before Hardy indicated to the chair opposite his.

“Sit down, please,” he said and inwardly cringed. That was a little too officious.

She sat down, and he passed her one of the two menus that had been left on the table.

“Menu there,” he said before retaking his seat. He tried to think of something to say, to break the ice. “Drink?”

“Erm...” She thought for a second. “White wine. Dry. Like my men.” She gave another nervous giggle.

Hardy failed to respond to her humour, or her comment. He put her oddities down to nervousness, and attempted to switch off his training as a detective.

Zoe shook her head. “No. Never mind. Erm. I’m quite nervous. Are you?”

“Yeah,” he replied honestly.

Zoe was a little surprised. “Thank you for saying that. Men don’t normally say that.”

“Don’t they?”

Zoe shook her head.

“It’s a bit daunting.”

Zoe giggled softly.

“My daughter helped me out with the profile.”

Zoe’s eyes glazed over. “You’ve got kids?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that wasn’t on there.”

“Wasn’t it?” He was certain that it was. He remembered ticking the box marked ‘children’.

Zoe shook her head. “No.”

“Oh, sh*t. Sorry. No.” He stumbled over his words. “I mean, my daughter set me up.”

“So, she did all the swiping?”

“No. I mean, I chose you, based on-” He waved his hand towards her to indicate her looks.

There was an awkward silence.

“Erm,” he stumbled again. “Did I say that... erm... you look really nice?”

Zoe smiled. “Thank you.”

Hardy cleared his throat, wondering if he hadn’t overdone that.

“So do you,” she complimented.

He frowned. “Do I?”

“Yeah.”

Again, he was lost for something to say. No one had complimented him in a very long time, and it had wrong-footed him even more than being on a date in the first place. “I think we should take a look at the menu.”

“Right,” she partially agreed.

Hardy took another long look at her, hoping that he wouldn’t fluff this up any more than he already had, and hoped they would hit it off.

ĐĐ

It was almost 10pm and Ellie was walking home along the back alley. Her phone pinged in her pocket and she took it out, opening a new text. With her full attention on her phone as she read the text, she wasn’t looking where she was going.

“Oh, my god!” she whispered in surprise.

She reached the corner and practically walked right into Hardy coming the other way. Both gave a startled cry.

“Aww!”

“Sh*t!”

“Miller!” he yelled again.

“You scared me!”

“Watch where you’re going!”

“What are you doing out?!” she demanded.

“I’m walking home,” he retorted, as if it was any of her business.

“What?” And then she remembered. “Oh. Back from your cheeky date?”

Hardy hesitated and realised he had already been found out, “No,” he denied.

Ellie was positively grinning at him. “Oh, look at your face. You totally are.”

“Shut up, Miller.”

“Is she nice?” she persisted.

“I’m going home-”

“Did you kiss her?”

Hardy tried to step passed her. “I’m away.”

Ellie stalled him. “Oh, wait. Have you seen this?” She shoved her phone at him. “Just came through. DNA results; the swabs we took from Trish Winterman. We’ve got a match for one of our men.”

Hardy looked at the screen, even though he wasn’t wearing his reading glasses, but he was impressed. “Who?”

ĐĐ

Later, standing in the corridor that housed the interview suite, Ellie waited for the nod from the Duty Sergeant to let them know their suspect, Jim Atwood, was ready to be interviewed. Hardy stepped up beside her, holding two teas and passed one to her. She took it, thanked him quietly and sipped the hot mixture.

“You know what you need, don’t you?”

Hardy turned to look at her speculatively. “What?”

“You need a real date-.”

“That was a real date!” he countered. He had decided that it was pointless to lie about it.

“Not with someone you met on the internet. A real person.”

“Zoe is a real person!” he countered again.

Ellie’s face lit up. “Zoe? Was that her name?”

Hardy bit his lip, but it was already out. He sipped his tea in silence.

“I know a Zoe. Zoe Gueller. She works as a personal trainer in Weymouth. Lives in Bridport. Used to live in Broadchurch until her husband caught her in bed with his dad. And his brother.”

Hardy stared at her with wide, round eyes. This was news to him, but he recognised the name. “You’ve got the wrong woman.”

“Really?” she said, sounding unconvinced. “Blonde; looks twenty-four, but is actually ten years older?”

Hardy began to look thunderous. “She didn’t mention a husband, and her profile said nothing about being married before.”

“Sounds like something Zoe would omit. Did she wear a stripy top?”

Hardy’s darkening expression froze as a schism of doubt crept in.

“She wears that top to all her online dates. Never dates the same man twice; always gives a little giggle, makes her seem nervous as she gives them little snippets of advice. Did you give her your number? Coz, she won’t call. Unless it’s for sex-”

“That’s enough!” he snapped.

Ellie fell silent.

“I very much doubt that it’s the same woman. And if, by some remote chance, it was the same woman, then I don’t appreciate you nosing into my private life.”

“No, sir. I can understand that,” she said affably.

Hardy took a swig of tea, thinking that was the end of it, but his instincts told him that she had acquiesced awfully fast. Usually she carried things on a little longer. And what she had said was uncomfortably close to what had happened during his date.

“Not much of a private life, though,” she noted more to herself.

Hardy turned his head to glare at her, a look he already knew had no effect on her at all.

“However, on a professional standpoint, if you do get hurt, try not to take it out on us in the office, yeah?” she suggested.

He gave her an exasperated grunt of controlled anger.

“What?” she said innocently. “I’m giving you some friendly advice, that’s all.”

“Did you set me up with Zoe?”

“What? Of course not. Why would you even ask that?”

“Because you seem to know an awful lot about her.”

“I told you. I know her. Besides, she tried it on with my ex when we separated for a while about six years ago. She’s also flirted with half the men in Broadchurch. And slept with at least a half of those. She’s a personal trainer, after all. The training is ‘personal’.”

“So, you’re giving me advice on my dating, just randomly?” he voiced doubtfully.

“I’m concerned, that’s all,” she defended.

“No. I think I know what the problem is, Miller.”

“What?”

“You’re jealous.”

Her face snapped open in surprise. “Jealous?”

“Yeah,” he said easily, sipping his tea.

“Of what? You? I could date if I wanted to. But I don’t, because I don’t want to.”

“Not of me, Miller. You’re jealous of Zoe.”

Ellie snarfed into her tea and gaped at him. “Yeah, of course I am!” she agreed sarcastically.

“In fact, I’d go so far as to say; ‘very jealous’, because she had dinner with me and you didn’t.”

“Actually, if you recall, I have had dinner with you. Twice, if you count fish and chips in your office. My house, remember? The night you ‘slipped’ in the shower?”

“That wasn’t a date, Miller.”

“Why, because my child-murdering b**tard of an ex was there to chaperone you?”

“He wasn’t chaperoning me. He was chaperoning you. He was eyeing me as a rival.”

“A rival? He could never rival you in anything-for what?” she amended quickly.

“You?”

Her eyes grew all the wider and she stared up at him. “Me?! Don’t talk daft! I hated your guts back then.”

“Oh? Past tense. So, your feelings have changed?”

“Stop twisting everything I say!”

“Stop making it so easy,” he suggested evenly.

Ellie huffed a heavy breath, spent and out of ripostes, glaring at him the way she had in the beginning. He wasn’t smiling, but his eyes looked smug enough for ten men.

There was a long silence, filled with daggered and dared looks.

“Well, there’s a big wedge in your argument,” she pointed out at length, looking away.

“And what’s that?”

“You’re my boss. Fraternisation is not allowed.”

“Only while on duty, Miller,” he minded her. “And, since I don’t play favourites and have worked with my wife while still married to her, you know as well as I do that there are exceptions to the rule.” He drank deeply, pretending not to notice her stunned expression.

“Are you insinuating something?” she demanded.

He lowered his cup half way and looked at her speculatively. “I’m not insinuating anything. I’m just stating a fact. And here’s another one. You’re jealous of Zoe Gueller.”

“I am nothing of the sort!”

“If me going on a date doesn’t affect you so much, why are you even commenting on it?”

Flustered, Ellie couldn’t think of anything to say in reply.

“Admit it,” he goaded. “You want to go out with me, but can’t pluck up the courage to ask me.”

“Courage has nothing to do with it!” she denied in annoyance.

“Really? Then ask me out,” he dared.

“You are infuriating!” she evaded.

“Just as I thought-”

“-All right! Fine! Will you go out with me?!”

“Yes!”

“Good. It’s settled. Friday, this week. 8pm. Dinner at The Taj Mahal in Bridport. I’ll pick you up from your place at 7:30.”

“How about The Jade Dragon?” he suggested quickly. “They’re less busy on a Friday night. You’ll be lucky to get in the door of the Taj Mahal after six.”

“You know your way around the restaurants.”

“I used to live in a hotel, if you recall. So, I’ve dined around. The Taj Mahal is better for group bookings. The Jade Dragon is better if you want a table for two.”

“Oh? You want something a little more intimate? You should have said. Pepe’s. His restaurant has privacy screens between the tables.”

Hardy almost responded to that, but then changed his mind and closed him mouth.

“Right. I’m guessing even more intimate than that?”

“Absolutely not!” he grumbled under his breath as someone approached from the far end of the corridor. “Not yet,” he muttered.

Ellie was surprised. “Planning ahead?”

“Yes-no!”

“Good. Glad to hear it. Coz there are kids involved. How were you planning on handling that bit, Mr how-do-you-manage-single-parenting Hardy?”

Hardy took several attempts to speak, but nothing even remotely polite or appropriate came to mind. “Later,” he said finally.

“Mr Atwood is in Room 8, sir,” PC Daniels spoke.

“Thanks, Bob.” Hardy dropped his empty cup into the bin and walked off, leaving Ellie looking and feeling stunned.

ĐĐ

Completed


End file.
